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This is about knowing yourself and your motives honestly.

You’ll need these truths as an extra foundation to buffer the challenge that initially awaits a prison relationship.

This is one of the safest and earliest ways to test compatibility while still locked up. All prisoners have access to their list, so ask for a copy. If unable to mend family ties, if they lack the desire to do so, those could be indicators.

While looking at it, see how many of the names say “family” next to them. People who have more support and connections tend to do better upon release, giving you and your relationship one less struggle to manage.

There are men and women locked up that want to walk the walk with you, people ready to commit and contribute to your life. Whatever your reasons – good or bad, sensible or borderline irrational – knowing and naming them is a huge point to consider for a successful relationship.

Some want other things though, temporary situations with exclusive benefits to them. While patience, perseverance, transparency and good communication are great, here are a dozen additional points to consider. Know what you bring to the table, what you are lacking and what you expect of the other.

Give yourself a minimum of three or more months to get to know this person. That may enable you to withstand the weight that goes with their return to society. Be mindful that a lot who are getting out have little to no money, and if they do, their immediate goal will most likely be to get situated and stabilize their self. The response from friends was funny when I showed them this. There are opportunities in here to better one’s self. Phone conversations and erotic letter writing are ways to gauge if a spark exists.

It is so important to have that talk as soon as possible and to continually update that. It’s also a way to discern what other issues may be at hand. If they are reluctant to show you their approved visiting list, is there a reason?

I’ve been in prison for years with some people, then one day I see a photo of them in the free world, or overhear them with their family in the visiting room – and I’d have sworn this was a wholly different person. When all must wear the same prison issued clothes, it’s easy to fake.

" Before age 25, it's too early to answer this question with certainty.

The interest in the behavior may or may not extinguish, as the person develops a more mature sense of their sexuality.2. Sometimes, when a boy has been traumatized by childhood sexual abuse from an older male, he develops a trauma bond.

The more you know up front, the better prepared you will be. What it does mean is that that’s part of their history. Know what they are doing to change, to better themselves. Some may find having a partner in such a limited capacity a plus. Others may want someone weeks from returning to society. Or, find a person who’ll fall in love with you, get out and help raise your kids? Whatever your expectations, be realistic with them. If they’re in prison for assault and going to seg for fighting frequently, that’s a clue. If their time is spent watching all the TV series and talk shows, if they play cards all day, then what aspirations do they have?

Ask not only about their conviction but about the circumstances that led up to their choice. I personally would suggest meeting someone with a little bit of time left. You can find a jewel anywhere, anywhere at all – but just like when you’re at a garage sale, be careful. Extra time gives you the best opportunity to get to know them and solidify whatever foundation you can. If you imagine the person’s return to society to be easy, or the time with them while they’re in prison to be easy, maybe change your perspective. If you’re locked up and getting more locked up [put in solitary], that is a sign. If they’re in for robbery and going to the hole [solitary] for stealing food from the chow hall, that’s a clue. An inability to be accountable or responsible, combined with poor decision-making, should be further clues. If you don’t mind this, great, but know to inquire ahead of time so you at least have a head’s up on this. In the absence of conjugal visits in most states, how do you know if you’re sexually compatible?

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